Suffocation

On guilt and suffocation after 20 months of genocide in my hometown of Gaza.

I am suffocating with a fire that is not around me, but a fire that is mine

tight chest, short breath, suppressed inhale, constricted exhale

borderline panic attacks but I am Palestinian so they become tears to water my people's woes instead

How am I suffocated by a world filled with air

How am I thirsty for freedom in a world filled with water and seas

How am I starving for normalcy in a world filled with earth

I am boundless, my fingers are numb, no roads to water or air or earth

I am suffocated by the dark lungs of a child in Gaza

The crevices of their heart stab mine a million times in one breath

I am suffocated by the words of a poet in Gaza but they are the ones with chemical residue for nutrition

I am suffocated by the cries of a mother who drinks dirty water from a disintegrating dish

but she is the one still washing the tent to retain a hint of what once was

I am suffocated by loss, I am suffocated by pain, I am suffocated by a suffocated Gaza

take their pain away, take their pain away, take their pain away

my ache and my melancholy and my hopelessness and my grief is theirs please take it all away

I am suffocated by pain of a severed limb

I am suffocated by the melancholy of a baby girl's brown eyes at a young age

I am suffocated by the hopelessness I feel while keeping a wide smile, a smile I need, on my face

I am suffocated by a father's grief for a life lost

I am, I feel, suffocated

A revolutionary can feel suffocated, please loosen the noose around my neck

Please remove the tip of the knife from my tongue

Please unshackle me from the money you need

Please untie the blindfold from your eyes

I am suffocating, every breath is short, every cry is long, every smile is desperate, how am I suffocating in a world with so much air?